Today starts the first day of my writing just the stuff that happened. keeping it private just for me to review. so today I woke up after another fitful night of sleeping between 2 males who fidget all night. I love both of them to death though and the puppy is just a sheer joy in my life. I always wanted to have another child but a puppy is just as good and just as much work but with more benefits. He will always love me and will not get bashful or shy or turn into a raging hormonal creep who sprays stuff in my face or hits me (yes that happened, not my best day). I miss my son every day and will never let go of the feelings of regret for letting Bob bully me into letting him stay with him. I wish he would have gotten along with Bojan better and would have accepted him. Maybe one day without the influences of anyone else who knows he may. The holidays are hard on all of my kids because of so many losses of late. We lost my grandmother, then my mother, then Bob, then his mother. I think that is too much for any of them to want to deal with. Danielle especially seems to find it hard most days and Katie just gets moody or very quiet. Robert is always going to be Robert. He puts up a tough front but inside I know he is lonely and misses both of them, Bob and his grandma. Me, I miss my mother every single day without fail. My grandmother was the rock that held the family together and would always call me. I miss those phone calls. I miss picking up the phone to talk to my mom just on a whim because I wanted to hear her voice. Now I just hear the silence of the wind whispering through the trees. One day it will be my turn to go and I wonder who will miss me the most?
The news of late has been alarming and heartbreaking all at the same time. Men and women who were once famous and powerful on social media, in movies, in music, and in of all places the National Arena of Trusted? Officials have all fallen into hurtful, dishonest behavior that has many of us searching for answers. Where did we all go wrong? Why did we think you were such a great person? What made you think you were above all of this? Why would you do something so heinous? There are children that looked up to you, and adults who thought you were cool. There are officials who used you as a role model. All of this has been dashed by one or more acts of indecency that you felt you were allowed to do. Why if it is not ok for any other individual, would you think it would be ok for you? There are so many individuals who have been hurt by the actions of another and unfortunately, this has become the year of individuals who have shown shameful behavior to another. Each day there is another person who has been exposed for doing something against another that I no longer want to watch the news.
We were all raised to respect each other but did that get thrown out the window when we became adults? Personal space is important and respecting other individuals need to have that is just as important. Before you try to force yourself on another think of some very important facts. This person is someone’s wife, sibling, child, special person. How would you feel if it happened to you? If that was your wife, your sibling, your child, or your special person?
To say I am filled with sorrow at the state of affairs in today’s world would be an understatement. It makes you think twice about liking the person behind that acting job or the news story. I would like to think that all my heroes are still heroes but sadly that is probably not the case. Should we give you our respect only to have it dashed on the rocks by news stories of how you act like a child, or how you commit the worst act humanly possible?
My faith in others has been shaken a little bit. However, in the light of all of this, I realize there is more to see than just the ignorant acts of one or more individuals. There is still beauty in the world, and to keep myself from being totally jaded, I am going to hold on to that beauty. Yes, I am one of those individuals that can and does say #MeToo, but my monsters are all dead and gone so there is no one to point a finger at or to yell at, instead I think of what my life is now not because of them but in spite of them. Now my moniker is not just #MeToo but #NotBrokenandStillMe. If you have been hurt by anyone stand up and tell your story. If you hurt someone stand up and own up to it.
There is a lot of healing that is needed in this country. It needs to start somewhere and that first step is always the hardest.
I will always follow my heart, it has never been wrong.
Sometimes I don’t take the right path, but I always find my way back to where I am supposed to be. There is nothing that I have experienced in this life that was not a wonderful part of my path.
The good, the bad, and the ugly. All are part of who I am today and will help me continue on the path I am on until I reach the finish line.
Fate works in mysterious ways. When things don’t work out the way you want them to, wait patiently and quietly without anger or fear. When it is time, your story will unfold like clouds being blown apart by a gentle breeze. There you will see all that you have done and the path will be there leading the way to what is to come.
So follow your heart, it is never wrong.
Recently, well actually, yesterday, we found out we will be working temporarily from home full-time. I really do not think any of us are too upset about this. The mad dash is on now to pack up our desks and create space at home to work in. This has resulted in lots of home renovations, disposal of items that are not needed, or broken to finally result in that home oasis of sorts to work in. My little space consists of a lovely view out of the front window sitting at a desk that was left to us by the previous owners of the home we purchased in December.
The space previously was a storage/bedroom for my step-son who has moved to State College with his mother. We are now converting it into an office with a spare bed and dresser in it for when he comes in the summer to visit. There have been several loads of clothing that went to the salvation army and some trash that went to the dump since he moved.
The whole family is pitching in to help and this cleaning frenzy has started to affect the other members of the house who are starting to finish unpacking their items and pitch the things they no longer want.
Moving home to work has been a great way to clean out the house!! Yay, and I can work in my PJ’s. What a bonus!! The puppy is overjoyed because he can explore a new part of the house that we were afraid to let him for fear he would pick up some object that my step-son threw on the floor or get lost in the junk that was in there.
Moving Day has been quite lovely for all of us but I think I am very tired from all this work now I need a vacation.
For some years I have been writing about finding my own piece of the pie, my own plot of green, my own slice of heaven. Well, finally as of December 2016 we have our Heavens Gate or as it is now fondly referred to: Cubovia.
The home is beautiful and it is so us. A nice little cape cod with a wrap around deck and the neighbors are the best in the world. It is just like a little bit of country smack dap in the middle of the city. The best of both worlds.
Now, the fun of unpacking the house and putting things where they belong or where their new home is has begun. It is a slow process as we went from having 3 bedrooms, a full attic, and 3 floors to 3 bedrooms, no attic, a full basement, garage and a huge family room. Where to put things has us scratching our heads. I am sure the neighbors think the nutty professor and all the hapless minions have moved in, lol!
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